Death and Mourning

College Mennonite Church has a very helpful guide book to help its members prepare for death: Dealing with Death: A Guide to Resources (Published by CMC 1989; Revised 1998). I have adapted some of the preparation forms for youth. Before having youth prepare this sheet, share personal stories about dealing with the death of a close family member and how helpful it was to know what their wishes were. Be sure that you know your group very well before asking them to fill out the form. This activity may not be appropriate for all groups. Plan in advance what you will do with the completed forms. You might provide envelops into which youth may place their forms and seal until the time of their death. You might encourage youth to take the form home to share and discuss with their family. Youth might want to know how their parents would answer its questions. With their permission, you might collect the forms from students and place them in their church file.

Adapted from Dealing with Death: A Guide to Resources
Goshen Mennonite Church, revised 1998

Name: ____________________________________
Date: ___________________
Biographical Information
Membership in clubs or significant organizations: _______________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Highlights of one’s life: ___________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Friends and teachers to be contacted: _________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
My preference is to be:
_____ embalmed and buried: __________________ name of cemetery
_____ cremated, _____ ashes scattered, _____ ashes buried
_____ ashes kept by family
Preferred location for scattering: _______________________________
(Note: in order to have a memorial plaque in CMC’s scattering garden, you must have your ashes scattered there.)
Service preferences
Place: __________________
Funeral or memorial service __________ with or with out a burial service __________
These scriptures and writings have been meaningful to me: ______________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
These hymns and songs are some of my favorites: _______________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________I would like, if possible, for the following persons to assist in the service:
Hymn leading: ______________________________________________________
Mediation: ______________________________________________________
Special music ______________________________________________________
Scripture reading: ______________________________________________________
Reminiscences: ______________________________________________________
Pallbearers: ______________________________________________________
I suggest memorial gifts to be designed for: ___________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Other preferences or requests: ______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

 

Discussing Death

Because youth may be at very different places or have different concerns about death at this point, we allowed them to break into groups focusing upon different topics. These different discussion topics could serve as the basis for a series of Sunday School classes.

Discussion Groups:

Thoughts About Your Own Death
What concerns you most about death?
Do you have fears?
What would be a good death?
What sorts of things do you want to do or accomplish before you die?
What sorts of things do you hope that people will say about you at your memorial service?
What sort of relationships do you want at the time of your death? (With your family? With God?)
What do you hope your last thoughts will be?

Rites and Rituals Surrounding Death
Do you feel that it is important to see the body of a loved one who has died in order to accept his or her death?
What sorts of things have you heard people say to grieving people that seem comforting? What sorts of things should you avoid saying?
Do you think that it is important to be buried in order to be resurrected?
What sorts of practices do you think are important or meaningful? Tomb stones, memorial markers, tending a grave, funeral processions, grave side burial? Wearing black or other visible signs of mourning, wakes?
Do you know of stories in which families have come into conflict about how to commemorate the lost of a member?
Are there practices that you have seen other people do or have heard about that you think would help you deal with death?

Death and the Afterlife
What do you expect to happen when you die?
What sorts of beliefs make sense to you? (Resurrection, Eternal life in Heaven, Reincarnation, Purgatory, Eternal torment in hell) Do you have questions about what Christians and Mennonites believe about the afterlife? * See note to teachers below*
Do you think that we can communicate with the dead? Do you think that you will be able to watch over your family or be some sort of guardian angel?
What is the relationship between the physical body and the soul?

* The Bible does not contain one definitive statement about the afterlife. For the most part, New Testament authors assume that their readers believe in the notion of a general resurrection. God will resurrect all people when he establishes his reign. He will judge all who have died. Those who are worthy will receive eternal life and those who are not will die a second death or be caste into hell. There are several texts that suggest that those who die go to heaven (or hell) immediately. For a helpful description of biblical teachings read the article "Death and Afterward" at Bible.org. For helpful discussions about biblical, theological and pastoral concerns about death, I highly recommend End of Life, vol 5 (Spring 2004) issue of Vision: A Jouranl for Church and Theology (published by the Institute of Mennonite Studies: web site www.ambs.edu/IMS).