Sexuality Unit: Asking the Tough Questions about Sex
Prior to beginning this unit, be sure that the parents of your class know how you are approaching the topic and that the topics will be determined by the youth. Read Proverbs 11:9, 12-14 and then invite the youth to make a covenant with each other. I had the youth come up with their own articles for their covenant. They came very close to the ones that I list below. Covenant: We commit ourselves to the following
The topics discussed in the following sessions were ones identified by members of my class several weeks prior to the unit beginning. I strongly recommend that you find out what your youths' questions are and then adapt the curriculum to fit their interests.
Session One: Premarital Sex -- Why Wait Until Marriage?
Rather than focusing upon the issue of purity or using the method of scaring them by listing all of the undesirable consequences that may follow sex, I began by focusing upon what the youth really hope for and want from their sexual relationships. The point is to get them to realize that their hopes will more likely be realized if they have sex within marriage.
Questions: What do you think will be different after you have sex? How do you want to feel after you have had sex? What do you hope will happen afterwards? What would you like to do? How do you want to feel about the person you are with?
My youth were very candid, especially the young men. They all agreed that they didn't want to have to sneak out a window or creep back into their own homes. They did not want to have to lie to their parents. They wanted to be able to cuddle with their partner and fall asleep together. They didn't want to have to second guess whether they had done the right thing? They didn't want to have to worry about pregnancy.
After you have had this discussion, then turn to the consequences.
Question: What are the reasons for not having sex outside of marriage that you have heard?
Here are the things that my group listed.
There was some discussion as each item went up. At the end, we discussed which were the most compelling reasons for waiting and whether the negative or the positive were better reasons.
Session Two: How Far is Too Far?
Begin by reviewing the focus of the first session. The question about premarital sex was not what is wrong with what you want but what do you really want. The question we don't want to ask is, "Did I do the right thing? What have I done?"
Next question: How far is too far? What is virginity? Is it an arbitrary line on a spectrum of activity? Hand holding ______________________________________Intercourse
Leader input: Explain that the biblical notion of virginity is an intact hymen and that only a woman could be a virgin. Have them consider whether chastity rather than virginity is a more helpful concept. If all that is important is keeping a hymen intact or never having penetration of the vagina by a penis, sexual morality ends up being a technical rather than an ethical issue.
Get God into the picture: What is sin? Ask the question a different way? What does God not like? What makes God cry?
You might introduce into the discussion passages like Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O mortal, what is good: and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God." Youth usually have a clear idea of what God wants and name things like carrying for each other and being aware of God's presence in our lives.
As with the discussion about premarital sex, the goal is to get the youth to ask a better question than what technically counts or does not count.
Ask the same questions that we asked about intercourse: What do you really want? This time focus upon mutuality? How do you guarantee that what both people are doing is what both people really want to be doing?
You may get to some preliminary answers to this question but to get more varied and deeper answers provide the youth with the following list and ask the questions: In pre-marital sexual activity of any sort, what of the following tend to be the case? Partners have mutual understanding about what you are going to do. Both partners planned ahead exactly how far to go and what they wanted to happen. Consent is given prior to something is done to the body of a partner You act first and only stop if your partner resists. A partner does something new and you have to decide on the spot whether you want this to happen.
Question: What really needs to happen before one takes the next step? What sort of relationship do you need to have?
Anticipated Answers: My youth talked about the need for good communication and conversation and the need for an open, trusting and giving relationship.
Session Three: Sexual Desire and Experience
Activity: Begin by having the youth list all of the things that they know cause addictions.
Then have them list all of the things that they find habit forming in their lives. For example, do they have trouble resisting chocolate or spending too much time playing video games?
Important question: Why do we treat sexual desire differently from other desires.
Leader Input: Present the group with the following scenario
Let’s say you are in a very close relationship and you move very close to intercourse on the spectrum of sexual activities. You break up. You enter into another relationship. Where do you tend to begin the level of sexual intimacy?
Is there an analogy to be drawn between drugs and sex?
Question: To what other things in our lives might we compare sexual activity in order to understand it better? What other things do we do in pairs of the opposite sex?
My Answer: Dancing
Questions: What happens when we dance with many partners? Can the same virtues and vices apply to sex?
Leader input: Present the group with the following scenario
Imagine you have dated a person for several years and have had many gratifying sexual experiences with him or her. You meet someone that you really like but you do not find him or her as sexually attractive and he or she is awkward at physical intimacy. How will your previous experience impact your present experience?
Questions: Can sexual activity be compared to a sport or playing an instrument? What happens when we repeat physical actions over and over again? Why do we get better at a sport or an instrument by practicing? Why don’t we have to think about how to ride a bike when we get on one?
Leader input: The body has a memory. Do we really want the memories of past partners in bed with us when we enter into a relationship based upon commitment and love?
Session Four: Why does our Denomination Exclude Practicing Homosexuals from Membership?
I began this session by making sure that our youth understood what the position of the church is. I shared Article 19 from the Confession of Faith in Mennonite Perspective and the “The Purdue Statement” General Conference Mennonite Church (Saskatoon 1986) and of the Mennonite Church (Purdue 1987). My youth were surprised to see that the Purdue Statement encourages ongoing discussion. They had encountered people who thought that those who disagreed with the current position of the church also should not be allowed to be members.
I then shared what I knew about the congregations that had threatened to pull out or had pulled out of the denomination. The youth came to realize that the leadership of the Church who had framed the relevant statements were not seeking to exclude but to hold the Church together and to keep members in the denomination.
We then looked at the various passages in the Bible that factored into the debate. I suggest that you print out a handout containing these passages.
Biblical Passages Cited on Both Sides of the Debate:
Genesis 19:5 Sodom story: "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, so that we may know them." (see also Judges 19)
Leviticus18:19-23 You shall not approach a woman to uncover her nakedness while she is in her menstrual uncleanness. You shall not have sexual relations with your kinsman's wife, and defile yourself with her. You shall not give any of your offspring to sacrifice them to Molech, and so profane the name of your God: I am the LORD. You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. You shall not have sexual relations with any animal and defile yourself with it, nor shall any woman give herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it: it is perversion.
Leviticus 20:10-16 a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death. The man who lies with his father's wife has uncovered his father's nakedness; both of them shall be put to death; their blood is upon them. If a man lies with his daughter-in-law, both of them shall be put to death; they have committed perversion, their blood is upon them. If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them. If a man takes a wife and her mother also, it is depravity; they shall be burned to death, both he and they, that there may be no depravity among you. 15If a man has sexual relations with an animal, he shall be put to death; and you shall kill the animal. If a woman approaches any animal and has sexual relations with it, you shall kill the woman and the animal; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them.
1 Samuel 18:1-3 When David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him [David] that day and would not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. (see also 1 Sam 20:17)
Matthew 19: 3-12 Some Pharisees came to him, and to test him they asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?" He answered, "Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning `made them male and female,' and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." They said to him, "Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?" He said to them, "It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery." His disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry." 11But he said to them, "Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can." [ Loren Johns offers this as a possible paraphrase of v. 12: "Some people have no choice about expressing their sexuality genitally; for some that choice has been taken away by other people; and still others have chosen to refrain from such 'fulfillment' for the sake of God's reign." I tend to see Jesus’ response as signifying that one’s status in the kingdom is not tied to one’s ability to produce descendants. ]
Acts10: 9-20 About noon the next day, as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray. He became hungry and wanted something to eat; and while it was being prepared, he fell into a trance. He saw the heaven opened and something like a large sheet coming down, being lowered to the ground by its four corners. In it were all kinds of four-footed creatures and reptiles and birds of the air. Then he heard a voice saying, "Get up, Peter; kill and eat." But Peter said, "By no means, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is profane or unclean." The voice said to him again, a second time, "What God has made clean, you must not call profane." This happened three times, and the thing was suddenly taken up to heaven. Now while Peter was greatly puzzled about what to make of the vision that he had seen, suddenly the men sent by Cornelius appeared. They were asking for Simon's house and were standing by the gate. They called out to ask whether Simon, who was called Peter, was staying there. While Peter was still thinking about the vision, the Spirit said to him, "Look, three men are searching for you. Now get up, go down, and go with them without hesitation; for I have sent them."
Romans 1:18-32 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and wickedness of those who by their wickedness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. Ever since the creation of the world his eternal power and divine nature, invisible though they are, have been understood and seen through the things he has made. So they are without excuse; for though they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their senseless minds were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools; and they exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling a mortal human being or birds or four-footed animals or reptiles. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the degrading of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to degrading passions. Their women exchanged natural intercourse for unnatural, and in the same way also the men, giving up natural intercourse with women, were consumed with passion for one another. Men committed shameless acts with men and received in their own persons the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind and to things that should not be done. They were filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, covetousness, malice. Full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, craftiness, they are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, rebellious toward parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. They know God's decree, that those who practice such things deserve to die -- yet they not only do them but even applaud others who practice them.
1 Corinthians 6: 9-11Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! Fornicators (porneia), idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes (malakoi), sodomites (arsenokoitai), thieves, the greedy, drunkards, revilers, robbers-none of these will inherit the kingdom of God. And this is what some of you used to be. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. [Malakoi: those who are "effeminate," "weak," or "soft" and is the word used of "call-boys" whom older men (arsenokoitai) took to bed. The latter term is also the one used in 1 Tim. 1:10 in another list of vices.]
In both Jesus and Paul’s teaching, marriage becomes the only appropriate context for sexual activity, and marriage between and man and a woman is part of the divine order rather than a legal contract. In the social context in which they taught, a committed homosexual relationship that excluded a man from marrying a woman was not part of the picture for either Jews or Gentiles.
Additional passage cited by John D. Roth
Ephesians 5:25-32 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the king – yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband
Questions: What is really at issue in our modern debate?
Why might you not find the passages from Leviticus automatically compelling?
What assumptions do you not automatically share with Paul?
If you accept the authority of scripture in its condemnation of homosexuality, are there other biblical teachings that we ignore to which we must then submit?
Even if we admit that we are not being consistent, do it make sense to simply ignore what the scripture has to say about acceptable sexual activity?
Are those who advocate for the inclusion of practicing homosexuals necessarily rejecting the authority of scripture?
Leader Input: share the two ways that people tended to read the Bible if the youth do not acknowledge them. The group that opposes inclusion of homosexuals tends to treat the Bible as a list of rules to obey. The group that advocates inclusion of homosexuals looks for principles, such as Jesus' inclusion of the marginalized, to guide their decisions.
Conclusion: end the discussion with a call for patience from the youth and encouragement that they stick with the church whatever side they tend to take in the current debate. Remind them that no other institution has been or is as open in its membership and facilitates the interaction of people from all walks of life, gender and social strata as the church has been.